Johnisms

My husband is a serious man with a lot on his mind and a very responsible job. That doesn't mean he can't find time to brighten my day with his colorful figures of speech. I hope he doesn't mind sharing, but, honestly, his way with words is the main reason I love him. Here are some fun examples:

He calls the garb of Hassidic Jewish men "Full Uniform" Similarly, a yarmulke is a pancake. He means no harm, I assure you.

When we go to the best Carvel we know (it's on Middle Country Road in Smithtown, people) and they give him a generous cone, he might say, referring to the swirly pattern of the soft ice cream "They couldn't get another ring on here!"

A large pimple upon the forehead is known as a brain tumor.

He can't stop pronouncing beautiful "beauteeful". That's a testament to his upbringing; he can't see the exquisite wrongness of this pronunciation out of respect for his dear departed mother, who also said "beauteeful".

Granted, the following term had very limited use, but the first time our first baby made #2, John called him "Meconium Boy." Someone was paying attention in childbirth class! Our son was soon promoted by his father to "Ear Wax Boy". Again, John meant no harm; this is his way of showing love.

He, and all my neighbors and local friends say sleigh riding when they mean sledding. I actually don't find this one endearing and I hope he'll stop unless he wants to hook up a team of Clydesdales to one of our flying saucer sleds.

I'm sure I'll think of more. If you know John, feel free to add on to the list.